Sorry-Looking Menus, Impossible Expectations, and Seasons of Life

I guess I kind of had an image in my mind of what Dinners as a Married Couple would look like. It was all wholesome, creative meals with sides with fancy names like couscous, the occasional comfort-food casserole, candles and dim lighting, the sound of forks on plates and laughter, deep conversations and from-scratch and sitting at the table long after we were finished and joy and perfection.

And for a couple of meals, for a couple of months, that was true- with the exception of a couple of flavor flops, some suppers in front of the TV, and some charred food that I may have forgotten about.

This meal was really yummy- Brussels sprouts with pasta and sausage.

Then I started working full-time, and of course, working at Camp has the bonus perk that when there are campers, there's food, and when there's food, we can eat it. The meals in our household changed pretty drastically, and to be honest, I wasn't completely okay with it.

 And I avoided the issue because I was busy and overwhelmed and frankly didn't really want to go into figuring out my feelings. That's a lot of work.

But I've been reclaiming my home and my attitude the past few months, and finally dealing with those niggling annoyances and feelings that have gotten in the way of being a joyful and productive person. And yes, it's work, but I think it's an important work.

So I started actually menu planning. And the image came back- the image of how the "ideal" meal looks. And I looked at my menu, and it looked nothing like that ideal.

Monday's supper is something fast or leftovers, because we have small group at 7. Sunday, Friday, and Saturday are labeled with a big CAMP. That only leaves three suppers that could live up to my ideal... but of course we also sometimes have meals with friends or at church, or go out to eat, or Zeke comes home late and we eat my beautiful meal directly out of the pots and pans while watching a TV show.

My menu looks pretty sad, honestly. And of course, a sorry-looking menu is a problem in itself, because Dinners are Important, and it's the Role of the Wife to Create Beauty in the Home. Because we'd like to have a baby soon, I started feeling extra pressure because What If I Have Children and Still Don't Plan a Full Menu? and Practice Makes Perfect and Children Need Family Meals.

My first solution: force it! I planned lovely, healthful meals for every day of the week, telling myself that we would eat at home and we would have that candle-lit-from-scratch experience because it is my responsibility to do it. Of course, this was a recipe for guilt, being sorely overwhelmed, and not having a clean house or a cheerful attitude but-darn-it-we're-eating-a-lovely-meal-tonight-if-it-kills-me.


My second solution: just don't make a menu! But that led to weeks of Chinese take out and frozen pizza, which made me feel terrible, first because I wasn't measuring up to the image in my head by any stretch of the imagination, and secondly because weeks of Chinese take out and frozen pizza will make you feel physically terrible. It's just the way it is.


Obviously, neither of these worked.

Which left me back at square one- with a sorry-looking menu and impossible expectations.

I had to adjust my expectations. Yes, I only cook a couple of meals a week, and they're simple. We don't eat in front of a crackling fireplace with soft music playing in the background, and we don't hold hands through the entire meal. It doesn't mean that I'm any less of a woman or that I'm not fulfilling my role in the family.

Right now, in this season of life, this is the way it is. This is what's working best for us. Just because we eat away from home more often than not doesn't mean this is what will always work or what we'll always do. It's the season of life. This is reality- not the "perfection" I painted in my mind.

And now that I've embraced the reality, I can see the beauty of it. We're blessed to share a meal with 150 middle schoolers singing rowdy Bible songs on Saturday nights. Eating green beans out of a big pot while cuddling on the couch is actually kind of romantic!

And those special meals- the ones with the candlelight and the actual dining room table and laughter- those are made even more beautiful by the fact that they're not the norm in this season of life. And that's okay.

Linked up with Marriage Monday, MMandM, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wise Woman, Works for Me Wednesday, and Wedded Wednesday.

In Which I Cry over a Car, Ignore My Planters, and Laugh at Toilet Names

{Pretty}

Rain has been pretty constant this week, washing away the final days of winter. Of course, the forecast says snow tonight, but we'll ignore that.

{Happy}

The forecast can't stop the plants from sprouting, though. Despite my absolute neglect, these determined little bulbs popping up in my planters. The rain has kept me from getting the dead leaves out of the flower beds. I should probably just get out there and get it done, but the house is so warm and dry and cozy...

{Funny}

Our semi-weekly excursion to the hardware store had us swing on by the toilet aisle- Zeke had to get a couple of new toilets for Camp. Have you ever checked out the names they give the different toilet styles? Titan. Erie, DIPLOMAT? Because toilets are... diplomatic?

{Real} 

For about a year and a half now, we've had three vehicles. Given the fact that neither of us commute, three vehicles was a bit of overkill. We'd had the Tracker on the market for a while, and it finally was sold on Tuesday. I think it went to a good home. I hope it serves them really well.

I cried. 

I get attached to things. It's kind of silly, I know. But the Tracker? I remember when Zeke got the Tracker. He drove to Minneapolis to come pick me up in it a bazillion times. We took the Tracker to the Black Hills on the trip when Zeke proposed. I drove the Tracker to my retail store job while we worked at a Camp in Minnesota. 

There were lots of memories in the Tracker. And now it's gone. And that's kinda sad. So I cried. Silly, overly emotional, but real, am I right? 

For more things that are pretty, happy, funny, and real head on over to Like Mother Like Daughter.

Growing by Accident

As Lent approached this year, I decided not to make it a "big thing."

Instead of giving things up or fasting on Friday like I usually do, I decided just to be instead of focusing on all the things I could do. 

I figured that Lent this year would be a nice break. No changing, no growing, no transforming...

But God had other plans, apparently. Big huge other plans.

I really feel like He decided to use this Lent to strip me down. To direct my heart to safe places. To change my attitudes and my habits.

It's been a tough couple of months for me.

But in some ways, since Lent began, I feel like an entirely different person- and isn't that such a part of the message behind Lent? The transformation, the cleaning up of our hearts and souls?

It kind of started when I realized that despite outward appearances, I wasn't trusting in God's incredible power. Not really. I was trusting in just about everything else, though. In my chart, in not drinking too much caffeine, in taking my vitamins... don't get me wrong, none of those things are bad. The problem is that by doing all these things, I thought that I was somehow in control.

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

So I stopped. I stopped charting. I stopped worrying so much about what I'm eating or drinking. I also made the decision to stop checking Facebook. I realized that I was logging in to Facebook at work when I needed a short break, and it had become a habit. I needed to refocus.

I'm still in the process of doing just that.

Of trusting God instead of trying to control my body.
Of making Him a priority.
Of spending time in the Bible.

I also ran into a couple of situations at work and at home that made me go, "Whoa. My heart is so far from where it should be right now."

God showed me that my attitude is out of whack in a lot of ways, and I started working through that.

I realized that I've been spending my time constantly looking at the horizon towards someday, but I've been neglecting the now. I've been trying to control things that I really have no say in, while simultaneously overlooking all the things that I can do to improve my attitude, my stress level, and my home.

I took a hard look at some of my daily routines and started to find joy in small habits and tasks. I'm working within my vocation as a wife and as keeper of my home, rather than fighting against it, and my home life and work life have been so much more balanced as a result.

God has directed my heart to some safe places this Lent. I've been able to accept some grace, for once, and peace came right along with it. And I've had the help of some wonderful friends, co-workers, pastors, and bloggers (bloggers bloggers bloggers!) pouring truth and light into my life. Community is a wonderful thing- online or in person.


This Lent has been a major time of growth for me, even though I didn't really intend it to be that way. God and His mysterious ways, huh? Good thing He knows what's best for me, even when I don't realize it.

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Also, on a totally unrelated note, my computer (which is actually Zeke's computer, but potatoes) has suddenly and completely crashed (not my fault, I tell you! The fact that mine crashed a year ago is simple coincidence!) so I may be a little out of the loop until we fix this one or find a new one. 

Have a lovely Easter! 

  

Prodigal

"Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, 'This man receives sinners and eats with them.' " - Luke 15:1-2

Most of us know the Parable of the Prodigal Son.

It's about a younger son, who demands his inheritance from his father (rude) and runs off, completely wasting all of it on partying. He ends up hungry and degraded, doing manual labor, feeding pigs. Finally, he decides to return home and ask his father if he can be a servant. The father runs outside when he sees his son coming and forgives him, giving him a welcome home party. If you wanna read the whole story, you can find it here.

It's a wonderful story of redemption and forgiveness.

I want to be the younger son. He's dumb and makes bad decisions, but realizes his mistakes, and comes home to be forgiven, welcomed back.

I'm definitely not the younger son, though. Yeah, I make mistakes and bad decisions, but...

I'm the older son in this story. See, while the younger son is out messing up his life, the older son is back at home, doing the "right" thing. He's responsible. He's trustworthy. He's not having any fun. And then his little brother comes home, destitute and desperate. And Dad throws a party for him! So the older son does what I would totally do. He gets peeved. Maybe a little more than peeved.

I am the older son. 

(Almost) literally and figuratively.

I have a sister who has done just about everything the "wrong" way- had a baby out of wedlock with a guy who was in jail at the time, smokes and drinks, never holds down a job, leaves her son with her friends for entire weekends while she goes to clubs and binge drinks. Of course, some of that's going to change now that she found out that she's pregnant again. I'm not sure how she plans to pay bills.... Somehow, she seems to do whatever she wants, making terrible decisions, and yet she has been blessed with children.

Deep inside my heart, I would like to stomp my feet and shout, "Not fair!" just like the older son does in this parable.

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Typically, we fall into one of two camps. Either we feel that we're not good enough for grace, or that grace isn't good enough for us. I'm in the second group more often than I'd like to admit.

Like the Pharisees in Luke 15, I look at Jesus's grace and say, "Wha? He's eating with sinners!" They wanted Jesus to be one of them- someone who upheld rules and self-righteousness and laws. A responsible, trustworthy guy... he should be in my group, he should be my friend, but there he is-  hanging out with those sinners instead! 

How do I view God? Do I view him as Santa- I make a list of the things I'd like and if I'm good, I get those things? Do I see Him as a GPS- there to give direction, but sometimes I know a better route, so I turn Him off? What is my relationship with my heavenly Father?

See, the older son was just as far from his father as the younger son was.

There are two ways to be lost: 

Running from God

or

Trusting in our own righteousness

The older son is doing all the right things, but his heart is in the wrong place. He isn't following the rules out of love, but for an ulterior motive. He's doing good enough, but doesn't have a true relationship with his father. The older son doesn't know how to respond to the grace and forgiveness that his father is showing the younger son.

Is that how I'm living? Am I apart from grace and forgiveness- not because God hasn't given it, but because I feel that I'm too good to accept it?

Am I trying so hard to be like God that I don't think I need grace?




(Let that sink in a minute. Does it hit you between the collar bones? It does for me.)


No one is too far gone for God's grace and no one is without need of God's grace.



This parable is most often called the Parable of the Prodigal Son. "Prodigal" means wastefully extravagant- and that certainly describes the younger son in this story. But really, we could also use the word "prodigal" to describe the father in the story- he is extravagant in his forgiveness of his son, sparing no expense to celebrate his return.


And oh, we have such a prodigal God- He is so extravagant in His grace for us!

This post is linked with Amateur Nester's Tuesday Infertility Link-up.

Rethink Date Night: Dinner and A Movie is a Lame Date and Fifteen Things to Do Instead

If I could give one piece of advice to couples- whether they're dating or engaged or married- on how to encourage deeper connections with one another, it would be this:

Rethink Date Night. 

We have several married friends who have made it a priority in their marriages to spend time dating one another. That's a great thing to do, for sure! But here's the thing... when I ask what they're planning on doing, the answer always seems the same- "Dinner and a Movie."

The same thing is true for my sister and her boyfriend of three years- they're going out on a Friday night? What are they doing? You guessed it! "Dinner and a Movie."

Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with going out for the good old D&M combo, but it's not really the best way to grow as a couple. There's no real experience to it.

If Zeke and I go out for dinner and a movie, a year from now, I may remember parts of the movie (unless I fell asleep during it... which is pretty likely...) or maybe some of our dinner conversation, but it won't be a date I'll clearly remember. I most likely won't learn anything about myself or about my husband.

It comes down to this- why do we do date nights? Are we just checking it off our to-do lists, or does date night actually have a purpose? For us, that purpose is to connect and grow as a couple. Watching a movie together doesn't really help us to do that. In short, dinner and a movie is really kind of lame.

Why not try something a little more... adventurous? Have an experience, not just a date.


1) Go for a walk or a bike ride or attempt to roller blade together (carefully.)

2) Drive out to a lake and go fishing (or kayaking or canoeing).

3) Learn something together- like a language or kickboxing or how to reupholster or ballroom dancing or flower arranging or fencing!

4) Go check out garage sales or thrift stores- cheap and interesting

5) Plan a road trip- figure out places you'd like to stop along the way, the things you'd like to see. Then actually do it!

6) Cook together, or try something completely new in the kitchen (The other day, Zeke bought a jerky shooter online... we broke out the dehydrator and learned how to make jerky!)

7) Do one of those guided painting classes

8) Make a list of places around your town that you'd like to visit (ours includes a Frisbee golf course and a tiny museum dedicated to... trains, I think?)

9) Visit a random town (we went on a weekend trip to Milwaukee)


10) Go swimming- even if it's winter. Go to the gym, or check out local hotels- lots of them will let you use the pool for cheap

11) Check out open house listings around your area and go dream about your future while checking out other people's houses

12) Play cards or get a group of friends together to play games

13) Go camping- even for just one night- and make s'mores. Because s'mores are always good. Or heck, just make s'mores in your backyard.

14) Have a stay-cation- check in to a hotel nearby (or just turn your house into a "hotel," or just don't worry about laundry and housework for a weekend) and spend a weekend pretending to be tourists

15) Farmers Markets! Get some sunshine, do a little walking, and pick up some sugar snap peas.



Of course, sometimes you're just gonna want to do dinner and a movie. And that's okay- we just need to remember to make some memories, too!



Linked up with Marriage Monday, MMandM, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wise Woman, and Wedded Wednesday.

An Afternoon By the Lake {phfr}

{Pretty}

So, yesterday, Zeke had this sudden urge to do something he called, "Get the dock support beam out of the lake." I call it, "Mess around in the lake while wearing waders."

To be sure, there was actually a support beam in the lake. This one:

And it was a lovely day, so I went along. The ice is melting! 

{Happy}

And he didn't even make me get into the water. Sweet guy. Pretty soon, the clogs will be replaced with sandals and painted toenails, and the jeans will be replaced with a flowy summer skirt. But for now, I'm just happy to sit on the not-currently-in-the-water dock.

This guy. He makes me happy. (This picture was taken like, fifteen minutes after the support beam was sitting next to me on the dock. See, I told you he was messing around.)

{Funny} 

This goose couple was not pleased that Zeke was interrupting their romantic evening and kept honking. Loudly. So loudly that they disturbed a pair of ducks that flew away, quacking in obvious scorn.

{Real, and also pretty Funny} 

So, in interest of transparency and also of embarrassing my husband... 

That is a vice grip, holding his waders together. Because the zipper is broken and obviously. Obviously a vice grip. This man and his creative problem solving... it keeps me on my toes.

Linking up today with Like Mother, Like Daughter. And I think I got 'em in the right order this time. Adrie for the win.

His Incomparably Great Power for Us Who Believe {Ephesians 1:18}

I pray also that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." -Ephesians 1:18

In Ephesians 1, Paul tells the church in Ephesus that he's praying for them- specifically that he's praying that they may know the hope to which they've been called, His glorious inheritance in the saints, and finally, that they would know God's incomparably great power for those who believe.

I tend to think of God's power as, well, just nice. Yes, God has power. I kind of take it for granted. I read the word "power" in scripture and just leave it at that.

But when I really think about examples of God's incomparably great power...

Creation- in all it's wonders and intricacies, systems all working together

The Incarnation- Christ as fully God and fully man, born to a virigin

The Resurrection-taking a lifeless, decomposing body and from it, life again

Not to mention all of the miracles in the Old Testament (the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, the walls of Jericho) as well as in the New Testament (sight to the blind, healing, feeding the five thousand, water to wine, calming the storms, walking on water).

That power is for us who believe. 


Why would Paul think this is an important thing to pray the Ephesians would understand?

He wanted the church to know the future we have through Christ, and he wanted us to know that we have incredible value to God...

... and here he's saying, "God's got this."


The same power that rose Christ from the dead is for us who believe. What do we have to worry about?  I get all stressed out about maybe buying a house someday or what I'm going to do with my life or what is wrong with my body... and God's resurrection power is right here in my life. Right here, for me.

How amazing!




As I wrap up this little mini-study on Ephesians 1:18, I want to just pray this for you, whoever you are. If you stumbled upon this post somehow or if you've commented here before or if you've been a follower from the very beginning (and if you're one of the last types, thanks for sticking with me...)- this prayer is for you today.

Oh God. Oh, oh, God. Thank you. Thank You so very much for sending Your Son to die to take away my sin. I don't understand that kind of love, and I don't think I ever will, but help me to get there. God, I pray today for anyone reading this. You know right where they are and exactly what they're going through. Be with them, comfort them, and encourage them. God, I pray that You work out Your plan for them. I pray that You would enlighten them; open the eyes of their heart that they would see the hope to which You called them- the amazing hope we have only through Your salvation. I pray that they would see their incredible value in Your eyes- help them to see themselves the way You see them. And I pray that they would know Your power- that they would see Your power in their life today. You've got this, God. We trust in You always. In the name of Christ I pray, Amen.