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Friday, November 7, 2014

Does "The One" Exist?

Destiny and star-crossed lovers and finding your soul mate. It all sounds so romantic and magical, right?

But is it real?

Is there really such a thing as "The One?" 

Often, when someone says that they're looking for "The One," or their "soul mate," what they're really saying is that they're looking for the perfect person. The one who "completes" them. The ideal man, the perfect woman. 

And I'm here to tell you- No. That doesn't exist. 

The trouble with seeking "The One" is that our expectations are often drastically different than what God places in our lives. No one is perfect. 

I also believe that had my life taken me in a different direction and I'd never met Zeke, I would probably be married now. To someone else. 

There's no one else in the world who is exactly the same as Zeke, but I'm sure there are other people out there whose personalities would compliment mine, whose values are similar, who I could have married. 

But I fell in love with and married Zeke. 

I firmly believe that when you get married, that person becomes "The One." 

Are they perfect? No. 

Do they "complete you?" No. 

But you have chosen to make that person "The One," your soulmate, forever and for always. That's what marriage is. 

When we put too much emphasis on finding our "soulmate," we run some pretty serious risks. 

The first is that we may miss out on a great relationship because of our own misguided expectations-- a good marriage doesn't consist of finding someone who fits all of our criteria.

The idea of "The One" also allows us to make excuses- if finding a soulmate is the ultimate goal, we can easily disregard marriage vows in search of that person. If our marriage becomes difficult or requires more work that we wanted, we can just chalk it up to the fact that he's not "The One." We thought he was, but he isn't, and can you really expect me to stay married to someone who just isn't my soulmate?! 

Yes. Because you decided who "The One" is in your life. 

You don't get married because you're soulmates, you become soulmates when you get married. 

It's a total shift from what our culture so often tells us. 

And it also puts a little less pressure on dating than we're used to. You're not out to find the one guy out of billions. You're just out to find one guy. 

It's not as romantic, is it? Not as dramatic, not as flashy. 

But marriage isn't flashy and dramatic. It's work and sacrifice. If your dating life is filled with drama, won't you be disappointed after being married a year, five years, or thirty years?

Drama only goes so deep. A lasting, loving, meaningful connection with another person- that's what you're looking towards.

And trust me, the drama isn't that great. You won't miss it.

So, in short, no, I don't think that "The One" is out there waiting for you. But I do think that you will find one who is right for you, even if he's different that what you expected.


This post is part of a series on dating and singleness for the young Christian.  To check out other posts in the series, click on the link above. 


  1. I couldn't agree more! I know it's totally "unromantic" but modern standard to say that I could have married someone else and had a wonderful marriage, but i really believe it's true. However, I do see how the Lord orchestrated events in my life and in RJ's life so that we might meet each other. He clearly lead us together at the exact right time knowing when we were ready to recognize one another as a potential spouse.

    1. Definitely. I think that God works the best for us in all things- even if our free will means that we miss an opportunity that He puts in front of us. I know that I was meant for marriage- I was called to it. And if I had rejected Zeke a second time (ugh, that hurts to even write!), I would most likely have married someone else. Or God would have given me a third chance. =)


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