I've been long-term subbing for about three months now, and the school year is almost over. These three months have been... wow. I've learned so much about my teaching style- my strengths, my weaknesses. I've been so frustrated with my students, I've been so proud of them, I've hurt for them, and I've laughed with them. These three months have stretched me and grown me. My time as a high school English teacher is quickly coming to an end. Sixteen more school days with my terrible, wonderful high school students... and then what?
To be completely honest, I'm not sure.
I feel a little like I'm back to square one. My plan for the year was to sub, and hope that a full-time position came available soon. The long-term subbing job was a big surprise and a wonderful blessing, and I thought, as we Christians (or at least me-Christian) tend to do:
Well! God's opening a door! I'll get my name out there, do a great job subbing, have an awesome experience to add to my resume... God's got a full-time job for me soon!
We're three weeks to the end of school... and there are no job openings. In any of the districts nearby.
And at first, I was confused. I mean, God's opened this door for me- now what? Isn't it His will that I teach? Isn't that what this long-term subbing experience was supposed to show me? Then I got crabby. I did all this work, adapted lessons to fit the needs of my students, stayed up late grading, worked my tushy off to get done with my college classes so I get my full license... for what? After all this, doesn't God want me in a teaching job??
Maybe not. Maybe this great experience was just that- a great experience. Maybe I was supposed to do the stretching and the growing, but a full-time job isn't the plan for me, or at least it's not the plan for right now.
And I have to be okay with that. Things don't always go my way, as much as I wish they would! In the midst of this time, I have to believe that God's plan is bigger and better than my own, that He's got it under control.