Investing in Littles and Being that Person for Someone

We've talked a bit about fostering relationships and community within our own families- beginning with connecting with our older relatives.

At the ripe old age of 25, I don't really consider myself an "older relative."

But to five (soon to be six!) little someones, I am just that.

You see, while in my own life I've been pretty well focused on connecting with older-than-I-am folks, multi-generational relationships don't always mean reaching up, but also leaning down.

Encouraging relationships with the littles in our lives is an important way to begin making connections multi-generationally.

Think about the wonderful relatives who invested in your life. I have an aunt who visited me regularly, brought me books for my birthday, and took me to New York when I was seven. She was a huge influence in my education, my passions... and she still is influential in my life today.

I'd like to be that person for someone.

And God gave me five (soon to be six!) someones in whom to invest. 

Go to their important events- baptisms, birthday parties, pre-school graduation. Take time to talk with them, as little as they may be- three-year-olds are hilarious. Share a little of yourself with them, whether it's a love for reading (like my aunt), or fishing, or fixing computers... inspire them to do something amazing! 

Of course, just like with older relatives, connecting with younger family members can be tricky when they're far away. 

A blogger (I don't remember who! Remind me and I'll link to them!) wrote a post about how her children received coloring pages and stickers in the mail, and the joy that brought to them. Do that! I've also marked mailing days on my calendar, and have a note with my nieces and nephews addresses in my binder so I have no excuses and don't forget. Choose something they'd enjoy. One of my nieces is four, and loves fairies and horses, so I sent her a horse coloring page. But don't over-think it. Just getting something in the mail brightens a child's day (and hey, we'll be honest, getting something other than junk in the mail brightens my day, too). 

For the tiny littles- like my nearly two-year-old nephew- I like to send a picture of Zeke and I along with the coloring page, so he connects "Auntie Adrie and Unkie Zeke" with our faces. (And it's a good excuse to get a nice picture of Zeke and myself.) 

And yes, we're busy. And yes, nurturing our family community takes time. But oh, it's so worth it.

Connecting with our Roots

I think it's so important that we, as young-ish women and young-ish wives, have role models and make connections with people who happen not to be in the exact same age bracket.

And, like many things, this starts in our own families.

Of course, that's easier said than done, especially now that families tend to be farther apart geographically. I have relatives from Pennsylvania to Colorado to Tennessee. Connecting with far-flung family is a tricky thing, and if you're not intentional about it, can easily get pushed to the back recesses of your mind.

I'm a forgetful type of person. I never remember that we have extra shoelaces in the drawer in the back bedroom. And now we have lots of extra shoelaces in the back bedroom, because I never remember and always buy more.

That forgetfulness extends to relationships, unfortunately. If I don't have someone right in front of me, I don't remember to connect with them. Thankfully, I've been blessed with a few dear friends who know that if I don't call, it's not because I don't care- it's just because I forgot.

But just because that's the way I am doesn't mean that's the way I'll always be. Putting on a new self and all. It just takes some work, some prayer, and some grace.

With family far away, I have to be very intentional in order to maintain relationships. So, as silly as it seems, I schedule it. I actually write down, on my calendar, when I'll be making phone calls, and to whom.

Connect with your roots! (Terrible pun, but just go with it.)

And if you're not sure about what to talk about?

I'll be honest, I run into dry spells in conversation, too, especially with my grandparents. I don't really have a very interesting life, and hearing about Bingo again isn't necessarily relationship-building. Don't get me wrong, just making time for one another matters quite a bit, and the Bingo stories can be pretty funny.

Sometimes I plan "I was just thinking" calls- when I call and ask a question. Usually with my grandma, I ask about a recipe. My aunt is a dental hygienist and a great shopper, so I ask her about gift ideas or any tooth-related questions. You get the idea.

Generally, when I call to ask a question, the conversation shifts into something more. If I call to ask about a casserole that freezes well, my grandma may tell me about when she made a particular recipe for a cousin of mine when she had a baby... and then we're talking about caring for those in need, the struggles of raising newborns, and how that cousin's baby is now in Kindergarten and lost a tooth the other day.

Creating community is important, but it's also vital for us to nurture the community we already have!

We Need Community: Newlywed Loneliness

Community is kind of built in to the majority of our youth.

If you're a public school kid, you've got automatic friends in your grade or your classroom. Homeschooling kids have co-ops and groups. And of course, if you're fortunate (and I was), you have neighbors who are close to your own age and siblings running around everywhere. The same is true in higher education- I lived in a dorm during college- an insta-community!

Completely unrelated photographs of horses. Unrelated, but lovely, yes?

Of course, all of that changed drastically when I graduated and got married.

It's hard to make friendships as an adult.

In my case, I moved to a new town, my friends were scattered throughout the country (and the world!) and while I was pretty well wrapped up in my brand new hubby, I became very lonely.

We need community. We've been designed for interactions with other human beings- and human beings other than our spouses, too. But when you're in a new place, a new situation, a new phase of life... well, that community is hard to come by.

Of course, if you're working outside the home, you will probably be able to make some friendships in your workplace, and that will certainly help. But really (and I don't know about you, but I feel this way), if you've spent all day with someone at work, you may not want to spend your evenings with them. It's nice to get away sometimes, you know?

And if you're not working outside the home- all the more opportunity for you to feel isolated and alone.

So where are you to find community?

One of the very first things I would suggest a newly married couple to do is this- find a church.

Find a church where you feel welcome, a church where you can be yourselves. A church where you can find a family. And get involved. Volunteer to bring cookies, to serve in the nursery, to shake hands. Introduce yourself. Invite people to join you for lunch after the service.

The biggest mistake of our first several months of marriage was thinking that we didn't need to find a church family. Going to services at our Camp on Sundays was convenient, and who could really ask for more? And we missed out, for months, on building friendships. We knew our Camp family- the people with whom we work- but besides that... we pretty were isolated.

It wasn't until Zeke and I found our church home that we finally began to build true friendships, to form a community.

Doing Something Difficult

I believe I told you about the quilt I was working on. Way back...  Nope, not the one from August 2012. Haven't touched that one. Okay, I can't find the post with this particular quilt. But I feel like I did tell you about it. In December or so of last year. So, a year and a half ago.

Well! I finished it!

And, like typically happens when you try something still pretty new and kind of difficult, I learned some things about myself.

Well, and I learned some things about that minky fabric that feels so nice. Spoiler- minky fabric is so very horrible. Because it stretches and makes everything uneven. Ugh. If you look at the quilt from far away while someone shakes it, you can't tell how uneven my rows truly are... so we'll still call that a success.

{Quilters out there- you may want to shake your computer a little so your quilting sensibilities aren't assaulted by the pictures of my quilt.}

I hadn't touched this project in months. The front was almost completely finished, but I still had to quilt and bind it. And so it sat in a little bag in the closet of the sewing room/office, all sad and lonely.

See, first, I was busy. For a couple of months, balancing home and work filled up the majority of my time, and quilting simply wasn't a priority. We've all been there, right?

But secondly, while I really enjoy quilting, it's hard. Well, at least, for me it is. You're probably a pro-quilter, rolling your eyes at me and my minky troubles. But for me, a novice with almost no experience, it's hard. So I avoided it.

We had a group of quilters here at Camp one weekend, and I remembered the lonely quilt. And I thought maybe I could ask for some help or pointers or something. Something to make it easier. So I quit avoiding and finished up the front (which isn't perfect, but is the part I struggle with the least), and brought the whole thing to the ladies to beg for suggestions.

Do you know what they told me? They said I did a great job, and that I was done! My little creation was ready to go off to be quilted by a professional.

I had planned on quilting and binding it myself, and when I told one of the quilter ladies that, she said, "Oh! That part is really hard." 

I ended up taking the quilt home, and I finished the quilting and binding myself- and the project that was in limbo for a year and a half was all finished in three days. Why the sudden determination?

She said that what I was doing was hard, 

 and She told me I was doing a good job.

That made all the difference. See, just the fact that I was validated, that someone with experience and know-how told me that I was doing something difficult, made me feel like maybe I wasn't so incompetent. Like maybe I wasn't alone.

What a wonderful gift of community- to feel like we're not alone, to be told that we're doing something that's difficult.

That can really make all the difference. Being acknowledged like that can give us strength to keep going.

So, if you know someone who is having a hard time, tell her so. A teenager fighting to stay pure? A newlywed figuring out the "marriage" thing? A woman with a newborn? A work-outside-of-the-home mom? A stay-at-home-mom? That's hard! Tell her. It may help her keep going.

Community and Heritage and Friendship and Love

It's Quilt Week over here at the Happy Life!

Source

Oh yes, oh yes. The girl who doesn't really quilt is having a Quilt Week. Bear with me.

Like most camps, we do a couple of fundraisers throughout the year. The biggest event we do is the annual Quilt Auction. People (and churches, and quilt groups) donate quilts, and we do a big live auction.

It is so much fun. Seriously. If you ever have a chance to go to a quilt auction (lots of camps do them), you should go. The atmosphere is so great, and it's amazing to see the talents of the wonderful quilters, and auctions are just plain fun.

I always break out my "501 Quilt Blocks" book after the auction and dream about all the intricate quilts I'll make... of course, not even thinking about the fact that I have trouble sewing a straight line. It's a lofty goal.

Anyway.

I really do like quilts, despite my own sorry lack of sewing, measuring, cutting, and piecing talent. Quilting sort of hits on a bunch of my interests- do-it-yourself projects, frugal living, keeping history alive, heritage, and creating beautiful things.

My mother-in-law stopped by to view the quilts we were auctioning off, and it came up in conversation that she has a quilt from great-grandma, one that's still in progress.

Apparently, Zeke's great-grandmother began piecing it, and left it to her daughter-in-law- dear, sweet Grandma who had quite an artistic hand. Grandma did a bit of work on it, too, but she really preferred painting to quilting, and she didn't finish it either. Zeke's mom has worked on it only a little, too, so it sits still unfinished in a safe spot in the attic, waiting another generation to finally finish it up.

It's these types of stories that make quilts so interesting- the history behind them, the hands that put them together. Generations come together to work on something practical and beautiful. It's about community and heritage and friendship and love.



What family heirlooms or traditions exist in your family? How do you honor them?