Regrets (a Tattoo Story)

Confession time.

I have a tattoo. Well, two of them actually, but they're in the same general place and are linked together to look like one, even though I got them at different times.

I got the first one when I was sixteen, with my parents' permission (what were they thinking?). It's a small Japanese symbol on the right side of my lower back. It means "light."

My mom said, from the get-go, that when I'm fifty, I'll say "dumb-head."

I got "light" to remind me to be light to the world. I was very over-dramatic about the meaning, the tattoo... I tried to be a very deep teenager. Philosophical. In all honesty, the main reason for getting the tattoo was the attention. I thought it would be cool.

Two years later, I wanted to expand on the idea (and wanted more attention), so I added "moon" to the tattoo, making it "moonlight." Once again, I was very philosophical about it- as moon is the reflection of the sun, so am I supposed to be a reflection of the light of God. I said that exact sentence anytime anyone asked me about it. Like I said, over-dramatic.

It's been six years since I got the second part. Half the time, when I see the tattoo in the shower, I'm surprised. I forget it's there. The other half of the time, I'm embarrassed about it. I wouldn't get it again. The idea of putting something permanent on my body... forever altering what God designed... I don't know. I guess it's just not my style anymore. My husband isn't such a fan of it (he says I'm beautiful just the way I am), and I don't think it's nearly as cool as I used to. I'm glad I had the foresight to get the tattoo somewhere where I can easily cover it up, but that's about the only thing I still like about it.

It's a regret. When I'm asked about it now (like at the pool or when my shirt rides up by accident), I usually say that it was a stupid decision that a silly immature me decided on. Zeke says that I should stop saying that. And he may be right.

Because you know what? Even at the immature and silly as I was at sixteen, and then at eighteen, I knew who I was. I knew that I was (and am) a child of God, a light to the world. Yeah, the way I chose to express it isn't the way I would do so now. Despite my regrets about the tattoo that comes everywhere with me, I have no regrets about who I am in Christ.