When the Lights Go Out

We got slammed with quite a few big storms last week, as did quite a bit of Iowa, Nebraska, and Minnesota. (And I hope you’ll join me in praying for Pilger, Nebraska, where the community has suffered many injuries and lost loved ones because of this storm system, as well as all the places in the Midwest experiencing major flooding).

At about 4:00 in the afternoon last Monday, the sky went so dark it looked like it was the middle of the night, and the wind was really blowing. We had the radio tuned to the weather in the office… until the power at the radio station went out.

And then our power went out.

With 110 people- 27 families- at Camp.

What a difference attitude makes! When the lights flickered twice and then everything went dark, it became quickly apparent that attitude is everything.

Some of our campers made the best of it- enjoying supper by the glow of candlelight in the dining hall, smiling and doing their best to help out, sharing flashlights and rain gear. Other campers were less gracious- scowls and complaints, some even leaving early. If they had a good attitude, they had a good time, despite the inconvenience and discomfort. If they had a bad attitude, they had a bad time.

Life brings a lot of unexpected, unplanned circumstances beyond our control. You can either see it as an adventure, or as an issue.

Choose to make it an adventure.

If your invitations didn’t turn out the way you hoped, if the tea light candles don’t fit in your centerpieces, if uninvited guests show up, if your grandfather leads arousing sing-along of God Bless America at the reception- it’s all part of the adventure.

Don’t let it get to you… and let that adventure-attitude carry you into your marriage with grace. When the basement floods at your new home? When he loses his job? When you have to move again?

Life will not always be fun, or romantic, or convenient. Sometimes it will be sad and disappointing and hard. But it’s worth it. You’ll learn and grow and become. But the learning and growing and becoming depend on you taking your circumstances and choosing to find the adventure. Even when the lights go out.

"Like" A Little Wife's Happy Life on Facebook to catch more Intentional Engagement posts!

Other Posts in the Intentional Engagement Series:

SMOOTH AS A RIVER ROCK: HAVING AN INTENTIONAL ENGAGEMENT

BUDDING FRUIT AND DOING SOME NARROWING DOWN 

WEDDING PLANNING CAN MAKE YOU DULL: YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WEDDING 

DON'T SEND DOVES, OR PLANNING A MARRIAGE RATHER THAN A WEDDING

JUNE AND WINNING AT YOUR WEDDING

DECIDE AND DEFINE: TIPS FOR PLANNING A NOT-OUT-OF-A-MAGAZINE WEDDING

This post is linked to Amateur Nester.

Sorry-Looking Menus, Impossible Expectations, and Seasons of Life

I guess I kind of had an image in my mind of what Dinners as a Married Couple would look like. It was all wholesome, creative meals with sides with fancy names like couscous, the occasional comfort-food casserole, candles and dim lighting, the sound of forks on plates and laughter, deep conversations and from-scratch and sitting at the table long after we were finished and joy and perfection.

And for a couple of meals, for a couple of months, that was true- with the exception of a couple of flavor flops, some suppers in front of the TV, and some charred food that I may have forgotten about.

This meal was really yummy- Brussels sprouts with pasta and sausage.

Then I started working full-time, and of course, working at Camp has the bonus perk that when there are campers, there's food, and when there's food, we can eat it. The meals in our household changed pretty drastically, and to be honest, I wasn't completely okay with it.

 And I avoided the issue because I was busy and overwhelmed and frankly didn't really want to go into figuring out my feelings. That's a lot of work.

But I've been reclaiming my home and my attitude the past few months, and finally dealing with those niggling annoyances and feelings that have gotten in the way of being a joyful and productive person. And yes, it's work, but I think it's an important work.

So I started actually menu planning. And the image came back- the image of how the "ideal" meal looks. And I looked at my menu, and it looked nothing like that ideal.

Monday's supper is something fast or leftovers, because we have small group at 7. Sunday, Friday, and Saturday are labeled with a big CAMP. That only leaves three suppers that could live up to my ideal... but of course we also sometimes have meals with friends or at church, or go out to eat, or Zeke comes home late and we eat my beautiful meal directly out of the pots and pans while watching a TV show.

My menu looks pretty sad, honestly. And of course, a sorry-looking menu is a problem in itself, because Dinners are Important, and it's the Role of the Wife to Create Beauty in the Home. Because we'd like to have a baby soon, I started feeling extra pressure because What If I Have Children and Still Don't Plan a Full Menu? and Practice Makes Perfect and Children Need Family Meals.

My first solution: force it! I planned lovely, healthful meals for every day of the week, telling myself that we would eat at home and we would have that candle-lit-from-scratch experience because it is my responsibility to do it. Of course, this was a recipe for guilt, being sorely overwhelmed, and not having a clean house or a cheerful attitude but-darn-it-we're-eating-a-lovely-meal-tonight-if-it-kills-me.


My second solution: just don't make a menu! But that led to weeks of Chinese take out and frozen pizza, which made me feel terrible, first because I wasn't measuring up to the image in my head by any stretch of the imagination, and secondly because weeks of Chinese take out and frozen pizza will make you feel physically terrible. It's just the way it is.


Obviously, neither of these worked.

Which left me back at square one- with a sorry-looking menu and impossible expectations.

I had to adjust my expectations. Yes, I only cook a couple of meals a week, and they're simple. We don't eat in front of a crackling fireplace with soft music playing in the background, and we don't hold hands through the entire meal. It doesn't mean that I'm any less of a woman or that I'm not fulfilling my role in the family.

Right now, in this season of life, this is the way it is. This is what's working best for us. Just because we eat away from home more often than not doesn't mean this is what will always work or what we'll always do. It's the season of life. This is reality- not the "perfection" I painted in my mind.

And now that I've embraced the reality, I can see the beauty of it. We're blessed to share a meal with 150 middle schoolers singing rowdy Bible songs on Saturday nights. Eating green beans out of a big pot while cuddling on the couch is actually kind of romantic!

And those special meals- the ones with the candlelight and the actual dining room table and laughter- those are made even more beautiful by the fact that they're not the norm in this season of life. And that's okay.

Linked up with Marriage Monday, MMandM, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wise Woman, Works for Me Wednesday, and Wedded Wednesday.