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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Most Searched Items and Aquatic Turtle Tank Tips

Blogger has this fun feature (does every blog-hosting doo-hickey have this feature? I dunno) that allows you to see search items that brought people to your blog. Some of them are really funny.

In honor of that fun feature, I give you... the 10 most searched items that led people to my blog.

10) Aquatic turtle not happy with new tank (with 4)- I write a lot about Tucker's crabby little self and have gotten lots of hits on my post about how to clean a turtle tank.

*Tangent* Just for the record, humans of unhappy turtles (because I've been there, oh, I've been there)- aquatic turtles are rarely happy with new tanks. Seriously. When we moved Tuck into his new big huge tank with lots of fun fish to chase, he anchored himself to the bottom for about three days, only coming up occasionally to breathe. Turtles are like... well, they're like me- they don't like change.

Make sure your turtle has a ten gallons of water for every two inches of shell length (the experts say ten gallons for every inch, but that's a lot of water), a place to come out of the water and bask, a heating lamp, and plenty of places to hide (like tank decorations or big rocks or plants). Then let your turtle baby sit and sulk for a couple of days- he'll get acclimated. He may not come out of the water while you're around for the first couple of weeks, but just know that behind that gloomy-gus face of his, he's really doing just fine. *End tangent*
So over-dramatic

9) The best bouquet (with 8)- Apparently my coffee-filter bouquet is the best? Well, thank you, random searchers, I'm flattered!

8) Joan Bars (with 10)- Lack of a flattering picture aside, I'm surprised more people haven't found this post. Because the recipe is just that stinking delicious. And terrible for the waistline. Bad Joan.

7) The future and that hopefully (with 11)- I... I just don't even know. I even Googled this and went through the first five pages (before I got bored) and nothing even remotely related to my blog. Fascinating.

6) Slow cooker cinnamon rolls (with 12)- Oh, I'm sorry, everyone looking for delicious treats. I totally botched that recipe. Burned to a yucky, charcoal-tasting crisp. Hopefully they found a better example somewhere!

Mmm. Yummy.... ?

5) Rubber seal (with 13)- I wrote a post about how Zeke comes home with pockets full of rubber seals and the joys of being married to a maintenance guy. Probably not what these folks were looking for.

4) Crock pot cinnamon rolls (with 42!)- Same thing as #7. Sorry, O seeker of breakfast pastries.

3) Ribbon wedding program (with 44)- I used ribbons on my wedding programs. And made them myself. And it was kind of a pain, but they were inexpensive and turned out great!

2) Motorcycle get away bride (with 45)- Oh yeah, we did that, too. Note to the wise- make sure your giant poofy dress doesn't touch the hot pipes. That could be bad.

I'm the motorcycle get away bride!

1) I do not have gonorrhea  (with 58)- This one is for a post (one I actually took down because it was so popular, and that was creeping me out) about how I went to the doctor with an infection in my thumb. And then about how, without asking me if I was even sexually active, the doctor told me I needed to get tested for gonorrhea. Something about infections in joints and how gonorrhea causes that. I had to convince the doctor that I was a virgin and not an intravenous drug user. It was a good time. I bet you feel very sad that I took that one down.

What have your funniest search items been?

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